In my own life, I have always struggled with insecurity and jealousy as early as grade school. Specifically, the first time I remember experiencing it was when I lost my father. Shortly after his death, I began to resent that on Father's Day or during Father Daughter dances everyone had a father but me. However, as I got older that resentment and jealousy I once felt morphed into insecurity about my appearance and personality. In the end, our insecurities may never go away. They will continue to adapt to our lifestyles as we grow older. Regardless of the insecurities you may have (whether it is family, appearance, wealth, or choice of career) it is essential to find one aspect of your life that you love and hold onto it.
Genesis 30 begins with conveying how after being given to Jacob as a second wife-who was tricked into marrying her sister Leah beforehand-Rachel began to feel insecure about herself because of her inability to provide Jacob with children. Though it was evident that Jacob had more love for her than for her sister, Rachel’s insecurity led her to feel anger, resentment, and jealousy of Leah who was able to bear many children. In the end, Rachel was reminded of God's love as she was soon blessed with the ability to have children.
Reflection & Application:
Overall, I believe that all of us struggle with the ability to recognize that God loves us unconditionally regardless of our actions (good or bad). As a teenager, in the past I have struggled with accepting God’s love and battling the guilt and shame of being a sinner and making bad choices. However, I have realized that one way that the enemy separates us from God, is by weaponizing our guilt and shame in a way that encourages us to avoid God, weakening the relationship we have with Him. Overall, one way to battle this compulsion is to resist the urge to avoid God and find one way to remain in His presence every day. After all, the longer we are away from God the harder it will be to return to him and the more consumed by sin we will be.